Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
I guess, knowing that he isn't likely to change based on what you say to him, the real question is what it does for you to give him a piece of your mind. What are you hoping to achieve? Is it to get him to stop asking you for money? Is it just to unload your anger?
I completely understand the urge to unload. But will it make your anger over it go away? Lessen it? Or will it just feed your sense of indignation? In my own experience, feeding my resentments is often counterproductive for ME.
I'm not sure if "unloading" would lesson or feed the anger, indignation, and resentment. Also, I wasn't really planning to "unload" on him (that's what this thread is for!). My original question was more to how to frame a succinct but clear retort to the latest demand for money with a VERY brief explanation that outlines that I'm not helping him when he's not done a thing to help himself.
Why does everyone have to tiptoe around it/him? I don't think anyone has said to him that he could have gotten it together a long time ago and no one is buying his "but I'm not drinking" story. I don't think anyone has said to get your sh*t together, get sober, get a life. He physically abused one of my sisters (eventually kicked out after multiple times) when we were teens and his DUIs were paid for by my parents. After losing is job and a break up ten years ago (very brief online relationship), he became depressed and I thought temporarily went on assistance. My sister, at the time, (the one he assaulted) said, "He'll never get off it now, just watch." She's also the one who gave him a lump sum one time and told her never to ask again. I can understand a temporary need for support, but for ten years he has made no effort to forge a healthy adult life and continues to spend his meagre welfare on drink/smokes and gets food from my mother who thinks he's just one of those 'unfit' people who are mentally unable to cope. Yeah, right.
Although I thought it might be good for someone (me) to give him a concrete reason as to why I'm not giving him money, after reading the responses from the experts in this forum, it seems that the best route is no explanation--just sorry, no and maybe add and please don't ask again.
On the other hand, I could just ignore it. He doesn't even realize I'm not in town. Ugh, still undecided.