RevivingOphelia

Hello Friends and Family group,

I haven't posted before in this forum and I appreciate any advice.

My brother is 50 years old. For 10 years he has not worked but been on disability supposedly due to depression. I wrote 'supposedly' because I actually think he could get his act together and work--at the very least volunteer, job train, work part time. He is also educated with a post-grad degree. I don't even think he regularly visits a psychologist any longer. Also, he drinks. He has, on different occasions, informed my mother and myself that he isn't, but when I recently questioned him about it, he struggled to give a sobriety date and said it's been off and on and 'hard'. (tell me about it). If he was sober, I know he'd know exactly how many months etc. It's pretty clear he still is drinking.

I just think he could get it together. I think this (accepting disability for a decade) is the easy way out--to not try to get healthy and achieve a normal life with a regular income. He sits at home all day. I think drinking (and other substances?) is still a HUGE factor in his inability to progress in life. I can't believe that with all the advantages he's had (yes, we had some rough childhood moments)--being white, well-educated, from a middle-class background--he is satisfied to remain stagnant in this welfare-dependent state until death. Really? I understand depression, but I also see him do NOTHING to advance his health and future in any way. It just boggles my mind.

The last time I spoke with him and his voice sounded 'off' -- my sister actually thinks there might be drugs involved. She thinks this b/c, on at least two occasions, he was 'robbed' of his money in weird circumstances. We live in a relatively safe city and he is over 6 feet. It just seems suspicious. Why lie about it? To maybe get money off my mother who has enabled him and defends that some people just aren't fit to work. I have said to her I don't think he's stopped drinking and she just believes whatever he tells her. She says she buys his groceries b/c she could never let her kids go hungry but, by doing so, she is still enabling him to stay in this dependent state and allowing the minimal disability funds to go to alcohol. She also does his laundry (yes picks it up and delivers it back!), and drives him to his appointments. He lost his license years ago with a second DUI-related incident.

At any rate, over the years, he has asked me for money. Sometimes I have given a small amount, other times I haven't. He says it's for bills but I think if he hadn't spent money on booze and whatever else, he'd still have money. I know heating is going up but this has been going on for years. One time he asked me for money for his heating bill and I paid it directly to the company; he didn't seem to like that. He always wants me to drop off cash to his house. He asks me b/c I'm the only one in town and my other sister gave him money once and told him to never ask her again. My mother has told him not to ask his siblings for money, yet here I am faced with two phone calls and an email asking for money again. He said he spent his money b/c of Christmas but he doesn't buy gifts for anyone, so the only explanation is drinking.

I also think that this gov't disability has gone on FAR too long and he COULD be getting his life on the right track. I can't believe he's OK with just living in this crappy little apartment for this measly cheque each month. It boggles my mind. He's a smart person and could have had a rewarding career--who knows, maybe it's too late at this point--but he hasn't and doesn't even TRY.

I'm not even in town and won't be until the end of the month. I want to email back with that fact, but I also want to respond with a pointed remark about not contributing to his life which I think is still very much enmeshed with drinking (he will say he's not though) and that I'm not contributing to his decision to remain dependent on gov't assistance for close to a decade and possibly for the rest of his life.


Any suggestions on how to word such a letter?

Thanks in advance.