Dear Carlsson:
Don't waste your time and energy trying to find out why you are drinking because there is no answer.
Alcoholism is a disease that affects some people and does not impact others. Some people can run a mile in under 4 minutes while some of us are lucky to run the same mile in four hours.
Having this disease is not an end all as there are far worse diseases.
Just accept the fact that you have this disease and seek the treatment you need to stop drinking.
As to your girl friend, share this entire new experience with her. Tell you have sought out help at his website and that you need her support to win this battle. Her support will be invaluable in the process as without my wife of 34 years I would have never gained my 21 months of sobriety.
You are not a looser but simply someone who has come to realize the effect upon themselves and others of what this disease will do if it is not controlled. There is no cure, but it can be managed with AA and other resources.
It will not be easy at first, but after a while you will be able to fully experience life and, let me tell you that is a wonderful experience. Don't waste the years that I did not facing up the fact that I have this disease.
I cannot wish luck because luck will not suffice. It takes some work and support to master the disease, but in reading between the lines of your post, I know that you can do it.
You start having a Great Day because you are worth it!