Hi, Frickaflip. What I'm not sold on, frankly, is that AA actually works better than any other form of recovery. I get that you get out of it, or any other program, for that matter, what you put into it. I really do.
Here's the funny thing. I'm heavily involved in my church and have a very strong faith. Yet, I wish there were more data that AA actually does what it claims. Unfortunately, because of the anonymous nature of it, objective quantitative data on recovery efficacy are virtually impossible with AA.
I don't see faith and science as opposed to one another. In fact, I see them as complimentary of each other. I believe my faith can help me, in a certain way, achieve sobriety. I also believe, though, in science. AA was developed in the early part of the last century. Research on addiction and recovery has progressed since then. Has AA kept pace with newer discoveries? I honestly don't know. Maybe someone else can chime in.
This is all about discovery for me. I still plan to go back to another meeting tonight, and I'm not at all ruling AA out of my recovery. I just am unsure about it. I'll also be listening to my counselors when I start IOP and if they advise that I continue AA, I'll certainly take that into consideration.
Lastly, I stumble on step one. From a Christian perspective, step one comes across as very Calvinist to me. That's fine, if that's your belief system. Unfortunately, that's not my belief system, so I struggle to get past it. Please don't take this as a dig at Calvinists. To each their own. If it works for you, fantastic! I just personally struggle with the idea of powerlessness over an inanimate object.
I actually also love steps four and five. They have been a part of my faith well before I admitted I was an alcoholic, and will continue to be part of my recovery, regardless if I continue with AA.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Again, I'm still planning to go back to another meeting tonight, and start IOP on Monday. I'm willing to learn and to have my mind change. I'm pretty much open to everything at this point. But that doesn't stop me from questioning and investigating. I'm relatively new in my recovery journey, and want to do whatever it takes to get me from the darkness of where I was to the light of where I know I need to be.
Pax vobiscum!