((((((((bfree))))))))) Sorry you are feeling so awful. I used to feel the same way and justified a lot of my drinking that way. Then I realized what I was doing and that I really had NO IDEA what other people thought of me. I know now that when I am critical of other people it is usually because of something I don't like about myself. I am pretty sure that is what is going on with other people when they are critical of me as well. And it really doesn't matter. It is what I do, think, and feel that matters. And no one has control over that except me. If what other people do makes me hurt, it is because I let it. I have the power to choose the way I react to life. I can let it get me down, or I can say, "Oh well. Too bad for them. What am I going to do to make my life better today?"
Hang in there. We are all still here for you.
Hugs--