Berrybean

That's good.

When we relinquish responsibility for ourselves we do things that aren't good choices. At the time we don't even think. We just take what we want. Being sober, and accountable is about thinking, making the right choices based on the needs of ourselves and others (rather than just our wants). The whole point of reflecting on the things that we did wrong, and the ways we behaved negatively, is to learn from it, and to use those lessons to move forward. Many of the character flaws that lead us to act out in certain ways won't disappear over night, drunk or sober, so it's not always easy to do (or even know) the next right thing. This is when I was always so grateful for a having a sponsor to guide me through this stuff.

In AA the next steps, after making those inventories and sharing them, is actually more about becoming willing to change, because most of us, even when we see our faults and understand the consequences of us acting on them, aren't ready immediately to have them removed. And until we do that, amends are always going to be a little tricksy to do, without being tempted to act on those old character flaws without even realising it.

It can sometimes feel like we need more instant relief. Thing is, we get it as we get it. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. It's an ongoing process. Like those amends.

When my sponsor went through my amends list with me, I was kind of relieved at how many were noted as 'living' amends. No immediate action or embarrassing conversations necessary. Then the reality of it hit me. These amends would be lived. ONGOING. On and on. Suddenly I wasn't so sure I wouldn't have preferred a one off job! Lol. But usually doing the right thing gives its own reward, so as time passes and I keep doing my best, I notice my life getting increasingly easier and the promises coming true for me.

You're doing great BC. Just keep going.