i hope i don't offend you but i instantly thought of Footprints in the sand...
He hasn't given up on you, he loves you no matter what you do. The trick is in forgiving ourselves. I couldn't take even the smallest of baby steps until i was willing to forgive myself. In order to forgive i have to accept. I can't change my past, it is set in stone. What i've done or not done, what others have done or not done. What matters is the here and now, right now. Start your day over anytime. You are worth the fight. Like they say at meetings..we will love you until you can love yourself.
we don't get sick overnight, we don't recover over night. Its a long hard road but so worth it. I came from darkness into the light. so can you, and we'll be here every step of the way!!
Alone i cannot, together WE can
hugs, Wendy