hearthealth- your most recent post on this thread brought back memories- I kept thinking just be grateful for what I have. I had an abusive man who wasn't abusive 7 days a week and an addict who was good at hiding it. I also avoided his company as much as possible.
This is how I left. I got a counselor who encouraged me and helped me with my feelings. I felt enormous guilt as I planned- like I was an ungrateful , self-centered person for wanting more from marriage. I secretly planned because I knew if I told him- I am leaving tomorrow- there wouldn't be a penny left in any of our accounts as I slammed the door.
I consulted an attorney and filed for divorce before I left. I scheduled a moving company and had friends help me while he was at work. Moved what I needed out in about four hours total. And I left a note. He found out when he got home from work.
I felt terrible about it at the time. Like I was a backstabbing sneak and coward who didn't have the courage to face him. I kept it secret to preserve our financial capital so someday I can retire. Turns out my instincts were right- First thing he did was try to clean out the accounts- but his lawyer told him if he didn't put it back, I could get everything.
You have an advantage. You know your AH and what he is capable of. I certainly knew mine. See a good attorney and don't feel bad if you leave without notice. That's actually the same thing as telling him. You are just not using words and you are not leaving the matter open for him to manipulate you. It is YOUR life after all- you do not "belong" to him.
Please let us know what happens!!