Thank you all for the warm welcome. I have been writing for months now trying to work through my emotions. But still felt alone which is crazy since I live with my parents and my boys.
This battle is unlike anything I have ever gone through. When I met my husband, I was a single mother of a 4 year old. My son's father had a drinking problem as well. I called off our wedding just months before and we had been together 7 years. So my husband knew how I felt about drinking. It's one thing in a social setting or a drink here or there after a bad day no big deal.
We were amazing and very much in love. Things were going great we were expecting a child. We started to look for a house and found the prefect house for us. Shortly after we moved into our house and I was very pregnant with our son. Of course as all new homeowners, the house started to fight back and one problem after another. My job shut down money was tight. This is when the drinking started. It didn't go bad all at once. But over time no matter what I said it just kept getting worse. And the worst part is he knew my fear of what drinking/addiction can do to a family. We were together for over 5 years and split just before our 2 year wedding anniversary.
My husband was no longer was the man I was in love with, I didn't even know him. I think that is what makes this the most painful. The man who once was all about me and the family became a very selfish man who turned blame on to everyone around him for his wrongs. Don't get me wrong I'm far from prefect. When pushed into a corner and be very cold hearted and use words to really sting down deep. I am not proud of some of the things I said. I know that gave him more doubt and even less self-esteem. I just wanted him to feel the pain he was causing us. And after the blow out fights. I would beg for the drinking to stop. But when he wasn't drinking he was even more angry with me.
Again thank you for the warm welcome and no judgement