Elf and Oph- hello and welcome. The sense of trying to get better/sober, nothing works is a common one. I know. I had a sense of futility- that it did not matter. All I can write is for me- stuff did get better. Making an effort was hard- very hard. You both have family- and an awareness of alcohol being a problem. Do something about it- 'what have you got to lose?', well everything. I lost everything but still persist.
AA meetings are like any support network- they have good stuff and things some will not find so useful. There is SMART, therapists, SR. A part of the alcoholic parody is isolating. There is support- lots of info at SR. Dee has put out very useful stuff about having a plan, Take some time to read around the threads. There is a ladies only thread as well. Well done on posting. Keep sharing and reading. My support and prayers to you both (and your families). PJ