Hi Cropduster ... Getting "busted" may have been the best thing that ever happened to you, right ? The cat is out of the bag and you feel some accountability. If you hadn't been found out, isn't it likely that you would have continued to drink and drive on other occasions and something really bad would have happened eventually? Even if you thought you were "fine to drive", which is a fiction we tell ourselves, if your taillight went out and you got pulled over, just having beer smell on your breath by itself could trigger hugely negative and life-changing consequences. On the other hand, you could also have misjudged your driving ability (because you were drunk!) and gotten in a wreck. I also rationalized away drunk driving while I was actively drinking like it wasn't a big deal. That is not normal or rational; that was me being an alcoholic.
I am so glad I can drive anywhere I want whenever I want now.
Showing up to pick up your kids at a sporting event drunk suggests to me that you may in fact have a drinking problem. That is also not normal behavior ... Do you think you have a drinking problem ? Are you able to "control" your drinking? From your post it sounds like you think you can go back to "recreational" drinking and that you are only prevented from doing so because of what others think about you, which is not something you believe about yourself?
I am not able to control my drinking or drink in a "recreational" way. I continued to repeat crazy, irrational behaviors all in an effort to protect my drinking over and over for years before it got so out of control that looking back I was like "Holy hell how did I get here?"
If you can stop now by really wanting it for yourself, you will gain so much and certainly avoid so much hardship and negativity.