cropduster74

Well it's been tough as all of you relate to. What a hell of time to quit drinking. In those days I had my work Christmas party, 2-3 get togethers at friends, snow skiing, annual golf with my old high school buddies, Christmas and now Disneyland at California Adventure (the one that serves alcohol). I know it kinda sounds funny because all these are fortunate things i get to do in life. Problem is a big reason for my quitting is I got "busted" by my parents for drinking and driving. Word got out through my wife and friends to family that I might having a drinking problem. Then I met my dad at a sporting event 14 days ago to pick up my kids and I was drunk. He called me out. Now family function after family function (my brother and his family are here from out of state) and it's akward. Everyone knows I'am not allowed to drink. I am 42 years old. I'm craving it so much. I made a TERRIBLE mistake. I miss casual drinking a lot. EVERYTHING reminds me of pre-14 days ago. Granted this year there has been about 3 episodes similar to this. Standing in line today at Disneyland- "hey remember last Christmas when ...." all I can think about was when I was allowed to have wine over there. No one batted an eye back then, no one knew. I love the support here on this board but I feel like my case and my drive to quit is more because I have total shame from my family. They aren't trying to, my parents are so nice it's just they are pretty conservative I suppose and it's their way of dealing with it. When I first spoke to my dad two weeks ago (the morning after I showed up drunk) I told him it would be akward if people around the holidays weren't allowed to drink because of me. So even though they are normal drinkers they are busting out their wine glass each time. I notice I get quieter when we have dinner because of this- I wish I could rewind the clock and not have done what i did (driving drunk). This is not easy. I have so many friends who drink fairly heavy but they don't get behind the wheel. I made that mistake.

Dee74

Hi cropduster

do you think you'd still be drinking if you hadn't been busted? I'm not entirely sure from this thread, and others you've made, that you made the decision to stop or not.

Regardless of that, sounds to me like you have a great opportunity here to fix a long standing problem and become the husband father and man you want to be.

Forget about other people and if they're having a good time...forget about your self consciousness...all that is surface stuff and will sort itself out.

who do you want to be in 2017...and what are you willing to do to accomplish that? how are are you willing to go to get help to change your life?

D

Gottalife

Winding the clock back is one of those things we all would like but it can't be done. We did what we did and the only question of importance is what are we going to do about it? Likewise with alcoholism, we can't go back to normal drinking - ever without disastrous consequences. You can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber as they say.

So maybe it is in order to caring a few blessings. You have a terminal illness that will not only kill you, but will kill all your relationships, family, and will cost you your job, business, self respect, you name it, and it will end in permanent insanity, locked up, or covered up in a miserable lonely alcoholic death. That's the prognosis.

Instead you have a family that loves you, friends who are still with you, and people who care around you. Sure they are worried you have a drinking problem. Who wouldn't be concerned given the prognosis? But what a wonderful thing they are trying to help you stop. I read post after post on this site about the trouble people have with friends and relatives trying to make them drink again.

You seem to be blessed with a wonderful family and friends, and all you have to do to keep them and save your life is stop drinking. Sounds simple, and it is, but it is not easy. Thankfully there is plenty of help available. I pray you will make the most of this opportunty.

entropy1964

I know I had to accept, in my inner most self, that I am an alcoholic. I have to do this for me. No one can 'make' me.

If I'm not in acceptance than its torture trying to quit. I've been there.

So, what to do? Are you an alcoholic? Not do others think you are, obviously they do. But what do you think?

Berrybean

Sounds like you were pretty lucky. You got busted by your family. The awkwardness is at social functions. Replace that with busted by the police (likely local news reports etc just so everyone gets to hear) then the same awkwardness but in court, as well as the family stuff. Not to mention you didn't kill yourself or anyone else. Or lose youd licence. Yep. Pretty lucky. That time and the other times that you didn't get caught.

That's the horrible thing about being an alcoholic. We just try to drink like everyone else, and end up doing stuff that fills us full of shame, and makes other people think less of us. For us, alcohol is a thief. Cunning and baffling it steals things we can't measure and that are bearly tangible as they diminish, so we don't even notice it at first. And by the end we've become pretty adept at blaming others for our predicaments.

What is your plan for staying sober?

doggonecarl

You can fantasize about your casual drinking (it's called romancing alcohol), but if you went to pick up your kids drunk then you are way past casual drinking.

And you can't get it back.

You have to want to quit for you. If you feel like your sobriety is a punishment, you will resent it. Then, at some point, you'll drink.

I hope you can resolve these conflicts over your recovery.

biminiblue

I think in this case, shame is an appropriate reaction/emotion for you to have.

Your family isn't "shaming" you, though. That is your internal, valid reaction to what YOU did. Your family is worried about you, and rightly so.

This thing will kill you if you let it. I hope you can figure this out. Quitting drinking for an alcoholic is a blessing not a curse.

Spartanman

Hi Cropduster ... Getting "busted" may have been the best thing that ever happened to you, right ? The cat is out of the bag and you feel some accountability. If you hadn't been found out, isn't it likely that you would have continued to drink and drive on other occasions and something really bad would have happened eventually? Even if you thought you were "fine to drive", which is a fiction we tell ourselves, if your taillight went out and you got pulled over, just having beer smell on your breath by itself could trigger hugely negative and life-changing consequences. On the other hand, you could also have misjudged your driving ability (because you were drunk!) and gotten in a wreck. I also rationalized away drunk driving while I was actively drinking like it wasn't a big deal. That is not normal or rational; that was me being an alcoholic.

I am so glad I can drive anywhere I want whenever I want now.

Showing up to pick up your kids at a sporting event drunk suggests to me that you may in fact have a drinking problem. That is also not normal behavior ... Do you think you have a drinking problem ? Are you able to "control" your drinking? From your post it sounds like you think you can go back to "recreational" drinking and that you are only prevented from doing so because of what others think about you, which is not something you believe about yourself?

I am not able to control my drinking or drink in a "recreational" way. I continued to repeat crazy, irrational behaviors all in an effort to protect my drinking over and over for years before it got so out of control that looking back I was like "Holy hell how did I get here?"

If you can stop now by really wanting it for yourself, you will gain so much and certainly avoid so much hardship and negativity.

cropduster74

Thank you guys for those comments. Yes I need to decide this for myself that I'am an alcoholic. Right now it's just me not doing it because I did what I did. Those comments really helped and obviously it's why we are on these boards, for support. It doesn't take long to feel like you are the only one battling this- then reaching out here you realize quickly you aren't alone. Thank you. On to day 14

biminiblue

Well, think back.

Have you ever promised yourself, "I'll have one. Maybe two," and then gone on to have many more than that?

If I could guarantee that I could have one or two, I wouldn't have an alcohol problem. And sometimes, I can/could have one or two. But that isn't how I wanted to drink. I wanted to have three really fast, catch that buzz and then keep it going.

Of course, to keep it going that requires increasing amounts.

Then the buzz starts being an hour long followed by 23 hours of craziness and then later regret.

Then in time the buzz doesn't come any more and I'm drinking to hold off the inevitable shakes and anxiety. Rinse and repeat.

Regardless of what you want to call it, people without an alcohol problem don't drink to drunkenness and if they do, they usually don't do it again for a very long time - if ever.

If alcohol is a problem, quitting is the solution.

Dee74

congrats on 2 weeks

D