With all my complaining the other day nothing has changed. He did a small amount more but really I worked more hours but did much more. In two weeks the divorce process will start. I've had vacations longer than two weeks. It's not a life style commitment for him. He has had 2.5 years to be different. Oh, this week he started buying 16 ounces instead of 12 ounces and quite proud of the new beer. wth
I'm getting nervous, anxiety is setting in. So why be willing to continue this cycle? Commitment, a sense of the known, a fear of another backlash against me even though I know I'm again justified. A fight for custody. A fight for finances. A division of property. A new house. A new life. The thoughts keep winding around each other.
If I look at the positives a new life. A peaceful home. A better ability to keep the focus on me and the children. I won't have this cactus (nothing against cacti) in the house but he'll still need to be interacted with if only because of the children. I will still need to interact with this cactus. Do I yet have the strength and the desire? I know I will not have yet another year of this cycle. This will be the year of the cactus.