Hopedferred, don't keep the alcohol in the house "just in case". The big step is to bite the bullet, and have an alcohol free house. Otherwise, "Just in case" is going to happen over and over and over.
You don't indicate how much you drink. Talk to your Dr (you will not shock him!) and ask for medical help. A Dr. can prescribe medication to help with withdrawals.
You are struggling and not happy. Get rid of the booze and I 100% guarantee some of your problems will go away immediately.
Stay on here! The support and info is invaluable. This is very doable.