TTH.......there are many different versions of the definition of Co-Dependency...but, the one that has made the most sense to me is this: "Co-Dependency is less about our relationship with someone else than it is about a lack of relationship with ourself."
LOl....I can identify with the oldest child position, as I am one...and I have always observed other oldest children with some curiosity.....
Yes, we do seem to have some characterictics in common....which can be both an advantage and disadvantage...depending on how extreme and how much balance we have in our lives....
I can sense that you put a lot of pressure on yourself...?
If I am right about that...maybe you can begin by letting up on yourself, a little bit.....
Maybe, ask yourself, from time to time...who are you trying to please? Who is looking over your shoulder?
I think, that, sometimes, when we have lived for years with certain prison bars...even when the bars are removed...we still behave the same way as we did when they were present......
My answer to your question----I don't see why you have to be in an intimate relationship to make the kinds of changes you are thinking about.....
TTH...you have only been at this for a short time..compared to the number of years you haven't been. This is complex and brave stuff---excavating your family of origin stuff... You can't expect it to all become crystal clear, overnight....
Most of us spend our whole lifetime growing and learning about ourselves.....(learning never stops)....
These are just some of my thoughts...I hope that some of it helps.....