Yes, I have read Codependent No More. It was super helpful. That was over a year ago, so it may be time to revisit - and thanks for the tip on the workbook!
I am the oldest of 4 and my mother is very controlling and critical. She depended on me to take care of my younger siblings and keep the house clean when I was younger and would scream and rage if anything was out of place or if I displeased her in some way. I developed many of the ACOA symptoms from this. As an adult, I am highly successful (probably because of the perfectionism) but my siblings all have failure to launch and my mother still demands that I do things like find them jobs, write their resumes, etc. etc. I have always felt it was my duty to swoop in and save others because of my mother's pressure and it's still an itch I have....I just don't scratch it anymore! Feels great not to have to edit anyone's resumes, lol.
I too am very much enjoying being single and I'm taking every opportunity to practice NOT being codependent. I feel like I've made some great strides but sometimes I notice a blind spot. For example, I got a new job and I couldn't wait to change my position on LinkedIn to prove to the world that I'm not a loser. Then I went through the list of "likes" to see who saw it. I wonder about what's a normal need for approval and what is the damaged part of me from childhood emerging.
And I do wonder about how much of this work I can actually do on my own. I get practice with casual dates and family and friends, but can you actually fully recover on your own? And if not, does that mean I'll never have a normal relationship? Because if I can't fully recover outside of a relationship, I'll likely begin one with another damaged person and repeat the whole cycle.