Originally Posted by ErzaLee

Hi Kasiodo,

Before I begin, I want to welcome you to the forums and I want you to know that nothing that happened is your fault. There are so many individuals who get stuck in a situation like yours and feel lost and alone. I was one of them myself, as well as many others who you will probably speak to here. We understand and we are here to help.

It's a very emotional time for you, and when you're in the middle of it all, it's harder to see reason than it is for other people, but you came here because deep down you know there is a problem, and deep down you know that true love is not made with someone who would willingly cheat on you, and physically/emotionally hurt and abuse you. You are trying to take the right steps and that’s a good thing.

You say your husband has been clean for three months, are you positive? If addicts are good at anything, it’s lying, and I wouldn’t trust that he’s been clean for three months. I know you want to help him, but I think you know that right now it’s not about him, or even you, it’s about your son. He’s growing up in an unhealthy environment and there is a very good chance it could negatively impact him later on in life if he’s not removed from it. I doubt that you would want him to grow up and do to another woman what your husband is doing to you.

I honestly truly feel like your best chance is to take the time to help your son before you try to help your husband if you still plan on it, and I want you to know that I honestly don’t think taking the time to help your husband is worth it. My situation wasn’t as scary as yours, but, I tried to help my addict boyfriend realize his drug addiction for over five years, and nothing EVER worked. His usage ended up getting much worse and eventually he kicked me to the curb when he realized that he could just hang around enablers all day instead of a “nagging girlfriend”. Even though he told me he wanted to get back together in the future when he had his addiction under control, he found another girl to bang not even a month down the road. I think your husband knows that he has a problem, but until he is truly ready to accept and fix it, 99% of the time there is nothing you can do except make sure you and your loved ones are happy and safe. He will take the steps to find help himself when he is truly ready.

If it is possible, I would try to do something like find a small place in the area and tell your husband through a letter or text that you weren’t coming back until he decided that his son was worth getting help for. I wouldn’t tell him where you were either, for safety reasons. Normally I wouldn’t try to tell someone to get out, because I understand how extremely hard it can be for someone in your situation; it was hard for me, hence why I was the one who ended up getting dumped (and I wasn’t even married), but you managed to leave this guy once already, and now you have a son; I’m sure you want to do what’s in his best interest.

Please keep posting if you have any other questions or just want to talk, we are here for you.