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Old 11-30-2016, 09:49 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Berrybean
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Def a big no-no lending money in AA. Rides and fellowship maybe. Even stand someone a meal if you like (while you talk about getting sober). But him asking for cash isn't what AA is for.

If it helps you coukd always do a bad news sandwich text. Ie. Start on good news, ie you're sorry he's on that situation. Middle of the sandwich : AA fellowship is not about loans. Explain that you're in recovery yourself and can't afford to sow seeds of possible future resentments. End on good news: what he can get from AA and you.

If he turns abusive or keeps badgering for cash maybe ask your sponsor (or other more experienced AAer if they'd mind taking over 'helping' this guy while you block his number for a bit. They might be more comfortable with the whole issue.

I'd also suggest chatting this whole thing over (esp the resentment bits) with your sponsor. Sometimes these little things play on our minds more than we realise, and it makes for very uncomfortable sobriety. If you already spoke to your sponsor and they told ya, 'don't give the guy money', then listen to them lol (I know at first I'd come on here and ask questions if I'd already asked my sponsor and was second guessing her answer or ut wasn't the answer I wanted or felt comfortable with. Over time I've learned that the times I didn't follow her advise were the times I struggled. Bloody woman. She's always flippin right. Gah! Lol.)

And don't feel guilty. I'm sure the guy managed to bum cash before, and that nevr got him sober before, so it's unlikely to do so now. The first problem to solve is the drinking, then the rest of it starts falling into place. Just like in says in The Promises and How It Works.

There's a great Clancy speaker recording that your thread reminds me of, where Clancy recalls his early ventures into AA and trying to bum money from people there, the response he got, and how it made him feel. He wasn't happy about getting rebuked. Your guy may well not be either. That's okay. He doesn't need to be. Clancy can me back to AA because he wanted sobriety. And hopefully that's what your guy will do as well.

Clancy I. Disease of Perception | RecoveryAudio.org
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