Yeah.... I'm definitely taking a break from my boyfriend. I have a lot of feelings about how he acted on thanksgiving. I am pretty turned off. I am hurt, I am wary.
The problem is, we have had plans for the past six months for me to join him and his family for Christmas. A long week holiday vacation that I have been really looking forward to. Now, I feel anxious and wary.
We have not been seeing each other, and we've been taking space, but we have still been talking about Christmas. I was stressing making or bringing gifts, I was acting like we were a unit. Then the family said they wanted to do a Secret Santa, which was a huge relief. We are mostly adults and there's no reason for everyone to gift each other. But then my boyfriend said that they drew names and there was an uneven number so they just left me out of the drawing. I had a reaction to that.... I'm not sure if my reaction was appropriate. I felt hurt and stupid. Sad to be left out (I guess after all the effort I had already put into thinking about them?) and stupid that I had assumed I was important enough to be included. I don't need presents or have any attachment to that, but as a person without a family of my own, I get a bit embarrassingly attached to being included....
I'm confused about my reaction.