Originally Posted by
newhope01 
Hello and welcome Bearcat,
Im glad to read that you have a doctors appointment. I think having your blood drawn is a really good step in getting healthy and sober. I hope that you can be honest with your doctor and let them know you are struggling with alcoholism.
He/she may have some information for you on local detox centers or rehabilitation programs. About your concerns with rehab you can check yourself out if you feel that is not a healthy environment. Also, not everyone benefits from AA, perhaps look into AVRT or even lifering. I think it may be a good idea for you try some sort of group setting as it will get you out of the house where you can meet new people.
Every AA meeting I have ever been to, I have been met with nothing but kindness and warmth. I think what really makes these types of meetings so effective is that it helps you build a support system.
Good luck and keep posting.
Thank you, Newhope01. I have known about AVRT and Rational Recovery for many years, and it simply won't work for me as I understand it. I think it is just using willpower, and that won't be effective. As I am online, I will look at it again tonight and see if I misunderstood it.
I'm deeply depressed and have been all of my life. I have a gaping hole of pain and sadness, and will do almost anything to cover up that hole. Pills really aren't effective. Alcohol seems to help somewhat. It's about the only thing in life that brings reliable relief, besides the internet.
I have lived in Washington DC for 16 years, and sadly find that there is a great deal of insulation. By that I mean a doctor will rarely be able to tell you where to go for help with another problem. Everyone specializes, and everyone is paranoid about liability.
There ARE a great many supposed "helping" agencies that do literally nothing but provide referrals, mostly to each other. It's a scam to make money, probably some of it tax money.
I'm very afraid of going into detox. First, because it's extremely likely that I will be assaulted, or will assault someone. I'm a raw nerve ready to explode. Second, because I dont' believe it would be a simple matter to just walk out the door when I wanted to. I was locked up in prison for six long years, and that's not something I think I could stand again.
Perhaps worst of all, what I'm reading about the Detox centers that will accept my insurance confirms my fears that they are very horrible places indeed.