Hi blackened, I'm glad you're not drinking again, I've been meaning to mention the anxiety I had when I restarted after relapsing. What I had to deal with felt different than the last time I quit. It was pure anxiety. The dreaded feeling you get when something is going to happen. This does eventually subside but it's a definite diversion for me to ever think I can drink again.
That and the first thing I recognized that when I took that first drink, although it did take me some time to get back to being as bad as I was, is that I had ultimately flipped the switch back on. The grinding wheel had restarted. The waiting to drink. Thought I could get away with not feeling that way but no.
I had finally gotten to the point in my life where thoughts of alcohol had subsided with only the occasional reminder that I used to drink. From the moment I took that first drink I had wiped that all out.
Sober time is never lost, it should be used as a reminder of how good things can be.
Thanks for this thread, It's a good thread for anyone to read who's considered restarting.
I'm glad we both made it back!