Almost 2 years sober and Monday I had a fleeting thought of drinking!! Where did that come from?? Well, it came from me, I let it get into my head. And I know better….
I had taken the day off to spend time with my son doing some hunting, it’s the one time of year where it’s just father and son time, and I cherish those days. But my phone kept ringing, people with problems. I could have just shut it off and ignored it, but I have customers that rely on me when they have plumbing and heating problems, so it’s not as simple as just turning off my phone. Around 11 in the morning I got a call from the Rec Centre, they were stalled at getting the curling ice ready for the season because the heaters weren’t working. I went online through an app on my phone and was able to tell that it wasn’t the heaters that were the problem, but the control system that tells them when to start. I didn’t install the control system, but I know a bit about it even though it’s not my area of expertise. The fellow who installed it was unavailable, or wasn’t answering his phone, so I felt obligated to go in and try and help them out. Of course my son heard my side of the conversation and could tell I was a bit perturbed, but he also knew I wouldn’t be able to just walk away. He asked if I was okay, not to let it bother me, just go in and see if I could get the heaters working.
All the way in I let my emotions start to take control, started to think that it wasn’t my problem, let someone else worry about it. And then got to thinking that I deserved a drink to calm down, to not let this problem spoil my day! What a joke, one drink would have turned into 21! And I knew it, I didn’t want one drink, I wanted to get drunk! And that would have ruined my whole day! But it goes to show how sneaky alcohol is, how it tries to convince us that it has all the solutions! Even after almost 2 years, it still tries to get me to cave into it.
Of course I didn’t, I went in, changed a bit of wiring, and got the heaters running on manual. Enough for them to get back working on the ice anyway. And then spent the rest of the day with my son. But the whole evening was a bit of a waste. My mind kept going back to those drinking thoughts. I was a bit short with Bubba and Hank, and I knew it was up to me to change my attitude. So I shut my phone off, and took Hank outside for a bit of alone time in the back yard. When I got back inside, I apologized to Bubba for taking my day out on her, then sat in my chair and got myself wrapped up in a good book.
When we let those thoughts creep in, we have to remind ourselves that we aren’t the only ones affected, it affects those around us as well, and they don’t deserve it, and we don’t either! But it’s who we are, and we have to find the way that helps when those thoughts hit us.
Drinking won’t make our problems any easier, quitting drinking won’t make our problems disappear, but it’s a fact that drinking will most definitely add to our problems…