Hi SoberSparrow. Please dont put yourself down. I was you, absolutely. The biggest thing for me was letting my daughter down day after day after day. Blackouts most nights, not remembering what she and I discussed. Cringing every time she said "mum we discussed this last night...dont you remember". Supposed to be the adult and feeling like the wayward teenage child.
Realising that almost everyone knew about my problem. That one was a huge blow as I (like all other alcoholics I expect) thought I was so clever at hiding it. Recently, my 90 year old father in law gave me some cash for my birthday. After I thanked him, he said, "dont spend it all on booze" !!!! I was mortified, ashamed, embarrassed etc, etc.
So, I had a good, long, hard look at my life and realised that I HATED IT.
Resolved to make some changes. For some reason the time seems to be right for me now. Five whole days sober, including this last weekend, over which I spent the evenings watching films and TV with the family. Didnt pass out or forget what film we watched. Been drinking sparkling water with lime, havent had any craves, so far. Early days yet, I know.
I think sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and ACT on how you feel. I realise that I am making this sound awfully easy but what I am trying to say is just give it your best try. I dont have all the lovely wisdom and words of all the long-time people on here except to say that I look at this site many, many times a day. Maybe what they all have to say has sunk in.
And I dont feel bored. I am alert as opposed to groggy. My hair and skin are definitely better. My bloated tummy is receding. And I dont spend my time worrying if my breath smells of wine !!
I am taking it one day at a time and planning christmas.
Please put all your hate and self loathing behind you and look forward to lovely times with your family. You will be surprised how quickly they will forget "the old" mummy and embrace the new one.
GOOD LUCK moving forward. I wish you all the very best one day at a time.