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Losing my mind

Old 11-21-2016, 02:49 AM
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Losing my mind

I feel like I'm losing mind. I binge drink and binge eat every day. I honestly think about drinking all day. I've tried sobriety before. Ive done so many day "ones" I'm over it. I just can't get my **** together. Ive lost so much confidence. Withdrawn and no energy. But I don't want to be sober. It's so boring. Boring. Healthy people are boring as bat ****. I work too hard to be boring and no fun 😣 ahhh but I don't want to do this anymore.... how do you fill the time sober. It's depressing. Once you experience the freedom alcohol gives you.. its almost impossible to go back. I have to go and sober up.. again
It's ******* monday night for God sake. Loser loser
Your such a loser cont even say no to control yourself. Cant pit the kids first. Disappointing and disgraceful
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:59 AM
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But I don't want to be sober. It's so boring. Boring. Healthy people are boring as bat ****. I work too hard to be boring and no fun 😣
SoberSparrow, I believe the above is the mantra of addiction. Seriously. It's a large percentage of what kept me from quitting too. I really thought that life after quitting was going to be utterly worthless. That I was destined to die of boredom and to spend eternity pining for my alcohol and the fun that it brought.

Please, please please, listen. What I am about to tell you is true, it will be hard for you to see right now but it is. Where I felt that same exact way as you do I found out that THOSE words are a LIE. It's the lie that addiction tells us to keep us in check. So we don't walk away from it.

I am now enjoying life like I've never enjoyed it. The peace, the accountability, TRUE happiness. Happiness that's real and at times can be overwhelming because it's true joy. A sincere appreciation for the simple things in life.

If you told me this before I quit I would have laughed. I wouldn't have believed it. It's true, I promise you. What you think is making life fun and keeping you happy is actually what's keeping you from those things.

It takes some work to get there. It all starts with you and your mindset. You have to give yourself the chance to realize that the road ahead without alcohol is far better. Do you have a recovery plan? The more you do to support your sobriety the easier it is. You CAN do this. Everything I've said to you is true.

Drinking is keeping you from living life, not supplying you with what you need to live. Many more here will tell you the same.


You CAN do this.
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:12 AM
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It is true what Ladyblue says, I thought the same as you and now I know differently
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:13 AM
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Hi and welcome back sobersparrow
you're not a loser- you're exactly the same as everyone else here

I drank until I found enough support and enough tools to make not drinking a viable option.

What have you tried in the past to stay sober? any methods or approaches?
what do you think you'd be prepared to do now?

D
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:28 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberSparrow View Post
Ive lost so much confidence. Withdrawn and no energy. It's depressing. Loser loser
Your such a loser cont even say no to control yourself. Cant pit the kids first. Disappointing and disgraceful
I forgot to add, all of the above? It goes away. Little by little. When you get a taste of the feeling of what it's like to succeed, just once, allowing yourself to ride the urge and make it through and realize that you can do it some of what you've lost because of alcohol will begin to return. Yes, all of the above is because of alcohol.

You also said
Once you experience the freedom alcohol gives you.. its almost impossible to go back.
There's a big key to getting sober within that statement. What is it that you feel you need freedom from? Does alcohol truly address whatever that is? On top of alcohol causing all of the feelings that you currently have it's also keeping you from addressing and fixing whatever it is that you think you need to escape. Or (and this is also the truth) alcohol will create things for you to have to seek escape from because that's just how it works. It robs you of all your self esteem, it stops you from addressing and fixing things, and it makes you think it's the easy way through.

It's not. What it's doing is holding you back from living a life that you DESERVE to live. A life that's so good but it's not going to let you see that.

Sending you the biggest virtual hug I can. Your post spoke so deeply to me because that WAS me.

Life is waiting for you SoberSparrow and you are worth every single minute of it!
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:37 AM
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Welcome to sanity land. The people here are real and so are the stories. A how to or how not to guide in some ways. Welcome SobSp and keep posting. I hope you find this safe place as good as I do. PJ
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:18 AM
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You must want help or you would not be here. Let us help you. Believe me that your thoughts, and actions, are because of your addiction. To clear your mind, stop drinking for a day. At my first AA meeting, the bars were just a few hundred feet away. A guy told me that if I wanted to go back to drinking, the bars would still be there. He's right, they are still there but I am not in them. At first I would just make it a day or two sober. Try that. Then see if you can do a week. Your mind will clear up, and you will be able to see a better path. But first just try today. There were times when I thought going a month without a drink was impossible. In January it will be a year. If I and others can do it, so can you. Believe in yourself, and stick around SR. We want to help.
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:24 AM
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Think of it as hitting the reset button. Give yourself some space from alcohol. The distance will clear your mind and allow you to gain control. You will see how much alcohol took from you. I was in your position 12 days ago and the chaos is receding.

Last edited by Aoife8; 11-21-2016 at 04:26 AM. Reason: Hit send too soon
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:37 AM
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That very night/wee hours of the next
morning I came in drunk, an argument
occurred, then took a hand full of pills
downed with wine never realizing the
impact of my actions would have on my
little family days afterwards.

My 2 little ones couldn't wake me
for their last day of vaction bible
school. I was awakened by the phone
ringing next to my bed. Was it God
calling me to wake up because He
wasnt done with me yet?

I answered and that led to family
stepping in to get help for me, help
I wasn't capable of getting on my own.

My husbands job offered a program to
use for members in the family if they
needed for certain health issues and
could get me help by getting court order
because I wasn't willing to go peacefully.

That day I was escorted to the backseat
of the police car with feelings of so much
hatred, shame, disgrace as I was driven to
a rehab hospital to be evaluated for reasons
of wanting to escape life and failure to
control my drunking or stop it completely.

I spent the next 28 days, my choice after
2 weeks, to remain their doing all that I
needed before I could be released and returned
home to my family receiving important
information about my alcoholism and its
affects on my mind, body and soul.

Then was given, taught a program of
recovery, a guideline to use in all areas
of my life to help me remain sober one
day at a time.

My journey in recovery/life was 26
yrs ago, August 11, 1990, my first
full sober day without a drop of
alcohol in my system, with a many
one days sober, many changes in
my life to get me where I am today.

First and foremost, extremely thankful
for my family for doing for me what I
wasn't capable of, didn't want to do, to
get me help when I was at the end of my
rope and placing me into the hands of
those with the knowledge to teach me
how to learn to lve life with out this horrible
addiction that tried to rip me from life
and my family.

I hung on for dear life and followed a many
a folks paving the road of recovery for me
to follow by listening, learning, absorbing
and applying tools and knowledge of an
effective program of recovery in all my
affairs.

By attending meetings to hear the
messages of hope, experiences, their
strengths that if they could and would
remain sober under all circumstances
that life throws at them, then so could
and would I.

26 yrs and here I am still walking along
my road of recovery passing on all that
was so freely passed on to me to all those
looking for help and still struggling with
addiction themselves.

To give them, you all that hope that yes,
you can remain sober each day as long
as you, we, us remain teachable, willing,
openminded and honest with our selves
and our addiction/recovery to receive
many awesome gifts/rewards as written
for us in the Big Book of AA and shared
by many who are enjoying them today.

Put the plug in the jug and we never
have to pick it up again. So can you!!
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:05 AM
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That's your addiction talking. It's an illusion, you won't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle. Boring? What are you feeling right now? Is it better than being bored?

What you are feeling right now is exactly what your future holds if you continue to drink. I had to accept that my life would stay as stale as it was, if I didn't make the change.
There's so much more to life than drinking. Your addiction lies. I found boredom laying around the house all day hung over while everybody around me participated in life.
Give yourself a fighting chance. Give sobriety a real chance. There's hope in sobriety, active addiction is no way to live.
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:10 AM
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Great posts here, Sober Sparrow....I suggest you read them over carefully and take them to heart.
Think about what everyone is trying to say......

Sober life is actually NOT boring, it is an open slate allowing you to be what you want to be, do what you want to do.
When you are drinking, there are so many things you can't do, or you actually lose the desire to do anything but drink!
That can be reversed....

I was thinking just yesterday, WHY didn't anyone TELL me how great life can be sober?????????
WHY did I waste so much time being miserable????
And the truth is, someone probably told me, I didn't listen or I didn't believe it.....
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:33 AM
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I was so helpless and hopeless I did not even care about thinking about whether I was alive or not- it made little difference. My drinking destroyed my family. I woke up alone after hovering near death on life support from burns that even burnt bone. My family abandoned me to my fate. I was terrified, in a drug hazed hell. There was so much pain even the drinking would have been a release. Little difference but there was a spark of life causing enough difference that I tried- I crawled my way out of a dangerous, life threatening hell. It takes effort and support. The difference for you is you put a post here. The difference is you are not alone. The point is there is support if you only reach out and accept it. PJ
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Old 11-21-2016, 06:06 AM
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As Dee said, you are no better, no worse, than any of us here. You're going to have to smash the illusion of control....active addiction is by definition the complete lack of control. You'll have to learn what you have control of and what you don't. Take action on what you can, let go of the rest.

Redefining 'fun' and 'boring'. Are you having 'fun' right now? I think not. If sober is boring, its because you're letting it be boring. Right now, I'll take boring over the chaos I create when drinking and the hell on earth I live in.

Get some F2F support. You can do this. I know I can't do this alone. Hang in there, one day at a time.
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Old 11-21-2016, 06:16 AM
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Oh my goodness thank you all so much for your beautiful, encouraging words. I am shocked you actually took the time to respond to that mess.

I apologise for coming here out of the blue and carrying on like drunken trash.. ohh what alcohol has reduced me to. You are absolutely right. Everything you said. I just can't get enough sober days together to see for myself. 48 hours is all I can manage and then I'm almost dry retching I need a beer that bad. The anxiety that not being able to have a beer causes me.. just the thought of life without it scares me. What do you do after a stressful day at work? How do you socialise? It overwhelmed me.

I was drunk before I even got home from work last night. Dont even remember talking to the kids. Never put them to bed or kissed them goodnight. I passed out on the lounge.. not before managing to come here and give everyone a random speech. I dont even know what prompted me to come here. If my user name and password weren't saved into my phone I never would've made it here. I know i want help
Deep down I know i want to be free from all of this.

Thank you again so so much.. I appreciate it more than you know. I will read through your posts again carefully and look around this site and give day one tomorrow another chance.

Many thanks xx
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Old 11-21-2016, 06:22 AM
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You are NOT trash. You have deserve to have respect for who you really are. Keep posting. Do not reach for more booze. Have water instead. STAY SAFE. PJ
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Old 11-21-2016, 06:51 AM
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We cant reach for that alcohol or poison
if it is not around us, in the house, not in
reach when we are vunerable and in early
recovery.

For me, even after all these yrs, I am still
just one drink away from being a drunk
or dead and so alcohol is not in my home
when I deal with everyday issues that can
affect me emotionally, mentally, spiritually,
even physically.

It take a daily conscience and maintenence
to know where my heart, mind and soul is
to remain healthy, happy and sober today.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberSparrow View Post
Oh my goodness thank you all so much for your beautiful, encouraging words. I am shocked you actually took the time to respond to that mess.

I apologise for coming here out of the blue and carrying on like drunken trash.. ohh what alcohol has reduced me to. You are absolutely right. Everything you said. I just can't get enough sober days together to see for myself. 48 hours is all I can manage and then I'm almost dry retching I need a beer that bad. The anxiety that not being able to have a beer causes me.. just the thought of life without it scares me. What do you do after a stressful day at work? How do you socialise? It overwhelmed me.

I was drunk before I even got home from work last night. Dont even remember talking to the kids. Never put them to bed or kissed them goodnight. I passed out on the lounge.. not before managing to come here and give everyone a random speech. I dont even know what prompted me to come here. If my user name and password weren't saved into my phone I never would've made it here. I know i want help
Deep down I know i want to be free from all of this.

Thank you again so so much.. I appreciate it more than you know. I will read through your posts again carefully and look around this site and give day one tomorrow another chance.

Many thanks xx
Sobersparrow
Don't give up keep trying until it sticks.
Everything everyone is telling you is the truth we all have similar stories. My dreams at night really spoke to me and made me realize what was happening to me.
One night I woke frightened the devil came in my dream or nightmare....he was hideous unlike any horror film that I have seen he had a bottle of wine in his hand and was laughing at me. I woke up and thought did that really happen.
He tries to take a hold of our soul we can't let him we need to be strong.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:20 AM
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When I quit drinking because I just couldn't take it anymore, I was resigned to a life that was dull and boring with no more fun.

I found out I was very wrong about all that, but it took me putting in some work to get and stay sober and then some time to realize it. It's like I was blind and couldn't see reality.

Now when I look back on it, I was boring and dull when I was drinking. What a life, either being drunk or else laying around all day recovering from being drunk.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:28 AM
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Sober- (notice how I shortened your username?) -
We are all glad you are here.

Please do listen to what everyone said - I especially echo all that LadyBlue said. You clearly struck a chord there and everything she said is just exactly, so perfectly, completely spot on.

I'll add this: I came back from the brink of death. Literally. My dr gave me a year, 18 mo tops to live, if I kept drinking. I was 39. I quit cold turkey from a handle of vodka about every two day habit. That was 9 mo ago, exactly. I turned 40 sober and my life is....LIFE. And it is indeed more brilliant than I could have imagined. As I told my boyfriend in July, when he was just a month sober, "everything is better sober" (we dated in high school and newly reconnected then, and the first thing we discovered is that we had both stopped drinking). He has since told me that he didn't quite believe me, but he wanted to know more. He's sold on sobriety now.

As we say in AA, you can have what we have. That's your choice- and it is possible for even the darkest of cases.

I hope you choose sobriety.

Good luck.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:32 AM
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Hi SoberSparrow. Please dont put yourself down. I was you, absolutely. The biggest thing for me was letting my daughter down day after day after day. Blackouts most nights, not remembering what she and I discussed. Cringing every time she said "mum we discussed this last night...dont you remember". Supposed to be the adult and feeling like the wayward teenage child.

Realising that almost everyone knew about my problem. That one was a huge blow as I (like all other alcoholics I expect) thought I was so clever at hiding it. Recently, my 90 year old father in law gave me some cash for my birthday. After I thanked him, he said, "dont spend it all on booze" !!!! I was mortified, ashamed, embarrassed etc, etc.

So, I had a good, long, hard look at my life and realised that I HATED IT.

Resolved to make some changes. For some reason the time seems to be right for me now. Five whole days sober, including this last weekend, over which I spent the evenings watching films and TV with the family. Didnt pass out or forget what film we watched. Been drinking sparkling water with lime, havent had any craves, so far. Early days yet, I know.

I think sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and ACT on how you feel. I realise that I am making this sound awfully easy but what I am trying to say is just give it your best try. I dont have all the lovely wisdom and words of all the long-time people on here except to say that I look at this site many, many times a day. Maybe what they all have to say has sunk in.

And I dont feel bored. I am alert as opposed to groggy. My hair and skin are definitely better. My bloated tummy is receding. And I dont spend my time worrying if my breath smells of wine !!

I am taking it one day at a time and planning christmas.

Please put all your hate and self loathing behind you and look forward to lovely times with your family. You will be surprised how quickly they will forget "the old" mummy and embrace the new one.

GOOD LUCK moving forward. I wish you all the very best one day at a time.
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