Sober- (notice how I shortened your username?) -
We are all glad you are here.
Please do listen to what everyone said - I especially echo all that LadyBlue said. You clearly struck a chord there and everything she said is just exactly, so perfectly, completely spot on.
I'll add this: I came back from the brink of death. Literally. My dr gave me a year, 18 mo tops to live, if I kept drinking. I was 39. I quit cold turkey from a handle of vodka about every two day habit. That was 9 mo ago, exactly. I turned 40 sober and my life is....LIFE. And it is indeed more brilliant than I could have imagined. As I told my boyfriend in July, when he was just a month sober, "everything is better sober" (we dated in high school and newly reconnected then, and the first thing we discovered is that we had both stopped drinking). He has since told me that he didn't quite believe me, but he wanted to know more. He's sold on sobriety now.
As we say in AA, you can have what we have. That's your choice- and it is possible for even the darkest of cases.
I hope you choose sobriety.
Good luck.