I was so helpless and hopeless I did not even care about thinking about whether I was alive or not- it made little difference. My drinking destroyed my family. I woke up alone after hovering near death on life support from burns that even burnt bone. My family abandoned me to my fate. I was terrified, in a drug hazed hell. There was so much pain even the drinking would have been a release. Little difference but there was a spark of life causing enough difference that I tried- I crawled my way out of a dangerous, life threatening hell. It takes effort and support. The difference for you is you put a post here. The difference is you are not alone. The point is there is support if you only reach out and accept it. PJ