The crazy-making behavior!
Let me preface this by saying: I know there's nothing to be done, I can't do anything about it. I recited the serenity prayer more last night than I have in the last 3 months.
A few of you know about the fact that I'm a home health aide, and that the lady I take care of has a nephew that lives across the street and comes to check in on her and that he is an alcoholic. And that for a long time I projected my issues with my own father on to him, although that mess is taken care of now. But I still work there.
Last night around 6:15, he stopped over to bring in her mail, say hello and change a light bulb in the kitchen before going back to have dinner at home.. He had to go in to the closet in the dining room for something and that is also where all the alcohol kept in the house is.. So he says to his aunt "I'm gonna take a bottle of vodka home with me, I have a sore throat." She said okay.
First, why not whiskey? Probably because those bottles were so low, he wanted a little more than that. Second, why not grab a glass in the kitchen and have your shot and put it back? Third, I know his voice and he didn't have a sore throat, not one to where he would need to anesthetise with alcohol in order to eat dinner.
Here's why this is crazy-making, and not because I feel responsible, having witnessed it, that I should intervene. I know his family knows what he's doing. The crazy-making part was that I was able to identify that behavior for what it was, and catch him in that lie, because I was just like him.
The crazy-making part was that I felt paranoid, like maybe I should cover my butt, in case someone asks where that bottle went, and he denies even knowing alcohol was in that closet, it could look like one of us caregivers had taken it.. His aunt has dementia, how accurate can anyone say her memory is.. know what I mean??? So instinctively I wanted to get ahead of it and tell someone that he'd been there and took the bottle, so it wouldn't come back on me.. then realized his cousins wouldn't care if I did decide to have myself some at the end of the day.. lol I wouldn't, that's wrong. But I don't want to say anything and get involved in family drama.
And yeah, I know.. I gotta get out of this, and I'm working on it. New job orientation is next week. I just resent the fact I couldn't sleep last night obsessing over him and his behavior and all of his behavior over the past year.. I'm far from feeling like he's going to affect me to drink, that is not even desirable to me at this point.. It's just like I said.. crazy-making.. because I read all kinds of **** in to his behavior, while maybe a normal person would just believe his sore throat story and think nothing of it. Am I crazy for letting this bug me so bad???