Originally Posted by
DeadAndBloated 
I'm scared. The whole idea freaks me out beyond belief. I better get some things in place. I prob need to find a meeting first.
This is because you are probably addicted to alcohol, and your thinking is clouded by that addiction. The cardinal rule of addiction is "never say never to the possible future use of alcohol and other drugs".
Towards that end, your addiction will have you do anything except the obvious, and it will try and defend itself whenever you entertain such ideas. It will try to organize your life around that cardinal rule, so that you will procrastinate and do anything but the obvious.
If you listen carefully, though, your addiction is also revealing exactly how to free yourself from its grip. The cardinal rule of addiction necessarily reveals the way out from addiction.
Think it over.