Something I’ve been thinking about over the past few months is that feeling you get when you reach one year of sobriety. I don’t know about everyone else, but it felt like a huge milestone to me, if I could just get to that one year then my struggles would almost go away. And as I went through my journey month after month seeing my sober time increase, knowing that this would be the quit that sticks, I knew what being sober was all about. It wasn’t just about not drinking, it was about being a whole new person. A person that deals with other struggles, emotions, good and bad times, without the need for a crutch.
So where and why did my life change years ago where I started relying on that crutch. What happened that made me think I could bury my life in a bottle and leave it there? I don’t know, but it happened. And when you reach for alcohol once to bury or hide whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s almost certain that you’ll repeat that behaviour. And you’ll do it time and time again till one day you’ll look back, just like I did, and wonder how it all started. To this day I still have a hard time accepting that alcoholism is a disease because for so many years I used it as a remedy. I drank because of other issues, if I could accept and/or solve those issues, I would be able to stop needing alcohol to do it for me.
That then raises another thought. If I get the reasons or excuses I used for my drinking under control, could I not then control my drinking? I’ll never know the answer to that because I’m not willing to take the chance. I’ve went over a year without tasting so much as a drop of alcohol, and you know what, I don’t miss it! It isn’t something that we need like air and water, it isn’t a necessity. But we are lead to believe that through the power of advertising. And other people can’t seem to accept the fact that we choose not to drink. That’s on them, not on me…. Remember, it’s not how much or how often you drink, it’s who you become when you drink….
Yes, I’m glad I don’t drink. I don’t need alcohol to solve my problems, make me happy, make me sad, make me feel good about myself or others, or to feel like I fit in, I had that ability all along, it was inside me…..I just needed to find it again…