Oh Soberlicious, it's so heart-warming that you understand. I adore your analogies, I couldn't have described those fears better. Fear of sinking, fear of rising. All appearing outwith, but they were within, all the time.
Fear restrained me for many years. I couldn't comprehend how stopping drinking would benefit me. I was terrified of living without alcohol which had become my crutch, at the same time destroying me. I didn't realise that it wasn't a crutch, but a massive leaden anchor, tying me underwater and unable to rise above and reach the light.
I realise I'm akin to a broken record or CD (showing my age) MP3 or download....but truly, AVRT has saved my life!
It's simply amazing. I look in the mirror (never used to, just unwanted glimpses previously, to check whether my eyes were yellow) and I don't recognise myself. Bloatedness gone, red face patches and veins fading, hooded eyelids receded; eyes, would you believe it, white!
I wake in the morning and step out of bed, instead of lying there, feeling grim and pressing the alarm snooze button for a couple of hours.
What, on earth was I afraid of? A better life? Drinking alcohol to excess is madness. Life without alcohol is superb, I keep thinking I'll come back down to earth soon, but I know I won't. Because this freedom is my new reality and I'll never let it escape me.
The Beast is dying. Long live me, my Authentic Voice the ruler (me the human) and trumping the Addictive Voice (the Beast's - mis-directed survival drive).
PS. The re-visualisation of which I spoke previously, which proved effective for me; I have since discovered is a new therapy for intrusive thoughts!