It’s obvious I have too much time on my hands today lol. Not long ago that would have meant fill the time with a 15 pack of Budweiser! But this morning after reading some of the posts, I spent the time looking back over this past couple of years, and what it has done for me. I don’t think anyone in their first few years of sobriety doesn’t think about having a drink. I call them my “I wish” moments. But lasting sobriety comes from the fact that you want to be sober more than you want to drink. That doesn’t mean you won’t have those “I wish” days. Even after 22 months of sobriety I still have “I wish” days. In my experience, nothing even provokes these feelings. They just happen because every day cannot be simple. If every day was simple, then sobriety wouldn’t be so darn hard. But I’ve found that for every “I wish” day, there are 99 “I’m grateful” days. I’ve been lucky in that most everyone in my life has been supportive. But still, there is always the occasional person who just doesn’t comprehend that I can’t have “just one.” Maybe they didn’t know me when I drank, or maybe they just don’t care. Either way, learning to say “no” in a sometimes-aggressive manner has been necessary. I’ve learned that people need to know where I stand, and it’s not up to them to pass judgment. I was pretty convinced that life as I knew it was ending when I got sober. I didn’t think that I would ever be as happy as I was when I was drinking, or that life would ever seem as bright. But guess what? I still do everything I did before, minus the drinking. I even have fun while sober.
When I first started my journey, my Uncle told me, “You won’t believe how much better your life can be when you’re sober.” I doubted it. I loved getting drunk because the buzz allowed me to forget about everything else pressing or nagging in my life. I don’t have that problem today. It is refreshing to have nothing to hide from in my life. I’m proud of where I am and who I am, because I put a heck of a lot of work into becoming that person. My sobriety will never be something I’ll regret! I regret so many things I did while drinking. So many. But I do not regret one day of sobriety, and that’s a pretty darn good feeling. Is sobriety a sacrifice? An interesting question with undoubtedly some interesting answers. Someone asked me the other day what one word would I use to describe sobriety? Without hesitation, I answered “freedom”. But with most freedoms, a bit of sacrifice comes with them.
We should have finished harvesting the other day, but the beer clouds rolled in… “Beer clouds” you ask? Okay, let me explain to the non-farmers. When rain clouds move in, farmers refer to them as “beer clouds” or “whiskey clouds”. When you’re busy in the fields, the days are long and tiring and it doesn’t leave much time in the day to drink, so when rain moves in you can relax a bit and enjoy a few beverages. So when it started raining, the rest of the crew were grateful for the “beer clouds” and they all headed down to the neighbour Tommy’s shop to relax and tip a few back. I have been there a number of times in the past 22 months without any urges or pressure to drink. Just fine with having a Coke or coffee and enjoying the conversations with the area farmers. But Saturday, a small voice in my head said I should skip this time. I’m pretty comfortable in my quit, but when the voice of reason talks to me, I listen! So I told the farm boss that I was just going to head for home to spend the down time with Bubba and Hank. And there lies another answer to long term sobriety. I now have freedom from the claws of alcohol so I’m willing to make a few small sacrifices to maintain my quit. It all boils down to what’s really important to you.
Drinking isn’t a need, it’s a want, so choose to want sobriety more. It's your choice and it’s a pretty simple one I think.