Hi mercede55,
The internal push and pull you are experiencing, where one part of you wants to stop a certain behavior and another part is compelled to continue that behavior...that is the hallmark of addiction. The internal struggle and compulsion is the state of addiction.
I see that you've said that is concerning to you, and it should be.
Even if they are not causing consequences right now, what true authentic value are your drinking nights adding to your life?