Suddenly I am this confident, loud, unapologetic woman who states her needs and opinions and isn't afraid if other people notice her, but rather enjoys connecting with everyone who is receptive (read: happy)...
In reading about Codependency, I have come to know more about both myself and other women, particularly those that I have dealt closely with in a professional setting over the past year.
In particular one woman I know who rubs a lot of people the wrong way.. those people all have a negative, self-loathing, codependent spirit in common. She's just a person who loves herself despite all her flaws. Insecure folks can't process this, they get resentful that someone no better and no worse than them "thinks they're all that and a bag of chips" as my mother used to say. She used to encourage me to act that way, to fake it until I make it. Today I need fake nothing. There is a small part of my brain that delights in the idea that other women will envy the way I carry myself, men will be attracted to it.. it's just human nature.. as is the fact insecure people will feel more insecure around people who are secure but seem to have no reason to be. They will label me as someone who needs to be the center of attention. The confident women I know get labeled as such, too. There is a good reason they are the center of attention. Anyone ever stop to realize they are the ones paying attention?
In my work life right now.. I am faced with options.. options that will keep me in a position of lower power and options that will give me the upper hand.. and still other options that give a big middle finger to people who took advantage of me.. This is one of those times where in the past I would act impulsively, but now I feel like I need to gather more information first.