August... What are you doing inside my brain?
I slapped the desk more than once while reading that.. I think that means what you're saying resonates on a soul level for me. LoL
Back to serious.. I remember taking enormous pleasure in the fact that I could work people, including my mother, who I now understand to be a codependent, which makes me understand all of her relationships and all of her actions, like, ever. And this is where the forgiveness comes in, and why for the longest time I had so much resistance to doing that. Even going back to my father: although he and I will never have a relationship, ever again, I can forgive now, not because I think what he did was permissible, but because I understand that lost and hurting people hurt other people. They don't know what to do with the pain they hold inside. And the reason I know this is because I am one who did just that. If I could forgive myself, I can forgive others.
I also connect to what you're saying about only allowing people in to your life who are positive contributors. Everyone you come across does contribute something, or take something, but if it's not helping you get to where you want to be (spiritual/emotional wise) you don't have to feel obligated to them in any way other than objectively right or wrong kinds of things.. By that I mean, if a person actually needs you and nobody else can fulfill that need.
I found that in leaving behind my old toxic patterns, I initially crossed over to the opposite extremes in some cases.. I went from absolute intolerance to the idea of a Higher Power to being something of a fundamentalist. This is now adjusting to a more even middle ground. That's just one example. I also have to be careful not to be closed off just for the sake of not letting others take advantage. I can relax because the way I treat others, and myself, will attract the kind of person I want in my life.