Today I am feeling very secure and content and *basically pretty much normal* in my new world... Being friends with Mom is a new normal. The absence of stress when there is no actual stress is a new normal!
It has come to my attention that as far the job situation I have been talking about here... Boy, it would have been so much different had I entered in to it today. And I can actually visualize myself going back and doing it over again, and things would have been simpler, personal interactions would have been less complicated, boundaries would have been maintained because I would have had the ability to stick up for myself... Because I had no sense of self I became only what they wanted me to be. I stayed in a case that interfered with my school schedule and my personal life depending on the day, because I wanted the money but also because I had this imaginary relationship with this man that.. looking back now was wholly inappropriate. I found my father in him.. and now that I no longer project my feelings on to him, I look at him and see a stranger. Wild.
There's a place near my home where I would really like to apply to work, the pay is better, benefits are great, hours will work for me, and it is in walking distance (albeit up a gigantic hill I'll never actually walk). It is a no-brainer. If I do get it, I will stay on with the agency I work for, but finally drop out of the case that I've been wanting out of, and be able to tell them "I accepted another job". I do not think there is any chance of salvaging the situation, I made it what it was, and it's been a year, it is what it is.