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Old 11-03-2016, 03:23 PM
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lizatola
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Work in progress, right?!

I was thinking about how far I've come in recovery.
Then, I was thinking about how far I have to go.

My bf and I are trying to establish ourselves as a domestic couple, instead of getting married to qualify for one of us going on the other's health insurance plan. The proof that's needed makes marriage sound easier, lol..

Anyway, he made mention of 'not ever wanting to get married again or combine finances with someone'. He's said this before and i know this but today I took it personal and made it about me and, in my head, was like, "Umm, really? Am I not marriage material here? So, you wouldn't want to marry me EVER? I'm fiscally responsible, come on dude!"
Then, the NOT crazy side of me (well it's cray cray in a different way anyway) was like, "sweetie, you yourself don't even want to get married either! You can't qualify for Pell grants for your son for college if you marry. Need to stay single for the next 4 years at least. AND, let's also go over the fact that you hate the word wife because it gives you the chills since you hear your XAH's whining about how unwifely you were for 20 years of marriage. You shuddered when the boyfriend mentioned opening up a checking account together and you had to think twice before letting him put you on his car insurance. SO......who's the one who's not ready for marriage dummy?"

Yep......that's my crazy in a nutshell! Honestly, I love my man and I love our life together with the kids and our home and I wouldn't change a thing. We're totally committed to each other and I'm grateful to him for so much as he is to me. It's just funny the dialogue that goes on in my little pea brain sometimes!
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