Sleepie, please stop beating yourself up! I'm sensing a lot of negative energy in your posts. I know you don't "do" positive thinking, but I really wish you would give it a try! I'm not talking about being phony or forcing it. Start by looking at the things you have in life. Being grateful for the simple things, like a roof over your head or being able to go for that brisk walk. I was at a restaurant yesterday and saw two little girls in wheelchairs and they both had the biggest smiles on their faces, they just looked so happy to be out and about. Seeing them reminded me that my problems seem pretty small by comparison.
I always love it when you go on other people's threads here at SR and offer encouragement...you're very good at it! And I bet you make them feel good too. THAT'S the kind of positive stuff I'm talking about. I bet you felt better after that walk yesterday, so why don't you make it a habit. Anything to get out of your own head for awhile.