Yea the trust is what i have been working at. My wife and I had a convo the other night about it. Her words "We have absolutely 0 intimacy in our relationship now and that is a huge problem. I do not want to touch you or kiss you. Where do we go from here with 3 kids?".
I know its obviously my fault because i caused the problem, but i am trying hard. I hold her hand when i can, give her massages, spoon her in bed, am always there to listen, empathize, and care. Most of the time that kinda stuff is met with a corpse feeling on the other end. Its hard to try to be intimate with a person that doesn't want to try back. If i am trying and she does not trust me enough to try.. i just dont know where to go with it. I know the farther we go like this.. the farther we grow apart.
Ok i know this is WAYYYY TMI... but i mean... the other day she humored me (at least i think she did) and let me "have it". It has never happened to me in my life before the other day... but i couldn't even get it up for her : ( I do not want to "have" somebody who is ONLY trying to satisfy my southern end. I was more humiliated then i have ever been in my life. She said a few days ago also that she has no intimate feelings at all, so i can't image she is doing anything else but trying to "satisfy" my inner man. She said that if she did not want it then she would not have done it. I believe her because she has never lied to me, but it just seems kinda off. That is what prompted the convo (later that night) i just mentioned above.
Sorry for derailing my topic : ).... I didn't want to start a separate thread.