Hi Maribell,
Your story is very similar to mine. I relapsed or fell off the wagon for ten years and didn't have a chance at sobriety until I surrendered. When I accepted the fact that I had no control over my drinking and my ego was humbled by this then I was open to help. I hope that SMART works for you. I would suggest to get some phone numbers of recovered/sober people to call when having a craving or just feeling off. It helps to talk with someone that has been there. Good luck and god bless.