Hello, im back for the 100th time

Old 10-23-2016, 08:55 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
True strength lies within
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Location: Vancouver, BC
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Hello, im back for the 100th time

Ok so im back again,,quit , relapse, quit, relapse.. this has been going on for years. I stayed sober this time for about 3 months,, with me i gain the confidence that i can have "1" drink, after all , i quit for 3 months, i deserve it. Well that 1 drink turns into a two week bender. It take every ounce of willpower to stop the cycle,, as my mind and body is screaming for it. I usually go through 2-3 days of withdrawal, shaking, chest pain, insomnia, its awful. I really want to stop..and i can but i always start up again. Its really quite twisted as when i dont drink im up at 5am and in the gym with my trainers 5 days a week, ive competed in fitness competitions, and have done triathalons. Its like dr. jekyl and mr. hyde. Night and day. Anyways im back i need the support from each and everyone of you, and am so thankful for this site. I dont crave alcohol when i stop , andi can be around people who drink and it doesnt bother me. My problem is when i start , i dont stop.

Ive been to AA ,, really did nothing for me. Im going to get into our community addiction counselling , which is free, on Tuesday. Ive done this previously as well. But ill give it another go, as i need someone to talk to one on one. They also have group meeting and various workshops. All i want is my life back. Im not sure what this SMART thing is , but ill look it up. I want to live a sober life,, as that is when i am happiest.

Thanks for listening!
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Old 10-23-2016, 09:16 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 122
Hi. Welcome back. Your story rings very true with me. I have been sober now for almost two months. The only good thing is the drinking bouts are getting shorter over the years, it really doesn't work for me anymore.
You have quit again, that the point. You are sober right now. Stick with it.
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Old 10-23-2016, 09:17 AM
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I need support to work out all the stuff that's underneath my compulsion to drink, but when it comes to physically going to the liquor store, and physically opening that bottle and pouring that drink.. it's up to me to use restraint.

This was a tough pill for me to swallow but I couldn't move forward while I was still at the mercy of the addictive voice that says "it's not my fault I can't stop, after all I am an addict". That is how it gets what it wants. The voice is silenced when you refuse to let it control you.
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Old 10-23-2016, 09:21 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 14,317
We never have to drink or use again
each day we remain clean or sober
with the help of placing ourselves
into the hands of those capable of
teaching us about addiction and its
affects on our own body, minds and
soul. Those that have learned themselves
some sort of recovery program to
incorporate in all areas of their lives
to help them live a healthy, happy,
honest way of life for many one days
at a time building a strong solid foundation
to enjoy, appreciate and never take
for granted.

I like so many tried on my own
for yrs to stay stopped from my
alcohol addiction and continued
to fail until that very day 26 yrs
ago when I could no long do for

Family stepped in with help from
those capable of guiding them in
the right decision and received
a court order to have me placed
into the proper care, rehab, to
teach me about my own addiction
and give me a program of recovery
to use in my everyday life.

Once I accepted and admitted my
addiction then I was able to become
willing, openminded and honest to
move forward with hope that I need
never have to pick up a drink of poison
again each day I remained sober and live
with this AA program of recovery
as my guideline.

Everything is layed out for me in
this guideline and because of that
I have had no need to pick up again
and try to end my life with this
horrible sickness and disease.

For that I am truly grateful to be
alive and free from the bondage
of addiction.

You can too.
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Old 10-23-2016, 01:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
True strength lies within
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Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 117
I know i need help,, because yes time and time again has proven i cannot do it on my own. I checked out the START program, and am so excited to be going to my first group on Thursday. Another group starts fresh November 3.. this is exactly the kind of thing i need ,, i need the tools to help me .. this just so seems the right fit for me. So with counselling and group therapy i think ,, no,, i know i have a fighting chance. Ive never learned how to deal,, yes i can quit ,, but i want to stay quit for good.. Funny how the universe led me to this site today, if it hadnt i would never have know about SMART.
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Old 10-23-2016, 04:57 PM
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sober style
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Location: Texas
Posts: 2,354
Hi Maribell! You're right about SR being great, I doubt I coulda quit without it. I still log on here several times a day, keeps my mind right and the train on track. I'm 137 days in now. You can do it too!
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Old 10-23-2016, 05:18 PM
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Location: Australia
Posts: 205,664
Hi Maribell - welcome back

Have you thought about making a recovery plan?

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Old 10-23-2016, 05:33 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 107
Wow, your story sounds so much like my own. I have been through the sober months (1 to 4) time and time again only to once again pick up and bring back the misery.
I had to go back and see what I did wrong or unwise. The pattern I've identified is not keeping the memory fresh of my inability to process alcohol like many social drinkers do.
Bottom line is I can't safely have just one and get away with it so why bother? Just accept it as fact and have it burned into my subconcious that just can't drink and my sober life is so much better than my drinking life ever was and in so many ways.
I won't elaborate on that right now but wholeheartedly wish you sustained success on your sober journey. 25 days sober today.
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:08 PM
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Location: Upstate New York
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I'm really glad to see you back, Maribell. This can be the time you get free.
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Old 10-23-2016, 09:14 PM
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True strength lies within
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Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 117
Thank you everybody for your encouraging words, means the world to me , so much love and support, I will be on here several times a day, reading member stories knowing that there is hope to stay sober , as so many of you have.
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Old 10-23-2016, 09:18 PM
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True strength lies within
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Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Maribell - welcome back

Have you thought about making a recovery plan?

I will check out the link, but for now , my recover will be through counselling 1 on 1, and group therapy where i can be given the tools, to help understand the addiction , avoid triggers and whatever else they throw at me. And there are a ton of workshops at the Addiction center throughout the week, very fortunate to have that in our community. And of course SR. The support here is like no other, so grateful for this site. Forgot to add, went to church tonite, used to go often , fell away and thats when the trouble started, felt so so good.
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Old 10-24-2016, 03:53 AM
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Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Hi Maribell,

Your story is very similar to mine. I relapsed or fell off the wagon for ten years and didn't have a chance at sobriety until I surrendered. When I accepted the fact that I had no control over my drinking and my ego was humbled by this then I was open to help. I hope that SMART works for you. I would suggest to get some phone numbers of recovered/sober people to call when having a craving or just feeling off. It helps to talk with someone that has been there. Good luck and god bless.
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