Originally Posted by
romanerin2011 
what kind of Christian man does this is what I keep asking myself.
You won't find an answer there. You have the power and the choice to turn this around, but the only possible way is if you stop drinking right now. That is ALL that matters at this point. How you got to where you are and what you've done is something that cannot be changed. You can change how you react though. Self doubt and self-pity will not help - you need to seek out help right now, this minute - which you are doing here today. Have you done any local recovery via groups or meetings before? That would be another good place to start - and you can do it today if you choose.
We've all done things we regret...but we also have choices. I hope you can find some time to day to make some positive strides back to getting sober again.