I really do appreciate the kind words I somewhat feel guilty for feeling a little better. I feel like I committed murder but I just don't want this to define the rest of my life. I considered myself to be a decent man, I suppose decent men are capable of atrocities like this. I've just never felt this kind of pain and I'm the one who caused it. I feel maybe I should tell my wife of everything I've done as a drunk and this recent relapse but then very likely loose my entire new family over something that is not of me.