Hi Ezzedee. Our stories are a little similar.
My now ex boyfriend and I were together 5 years. He his his percocet addiction from me the whole time. He told me a few years ago he took them occasionally for his chronic pain, but at the time I had no idea how terrible these drugs were.
He came clean to me and his parents a few months ago about how bad it was getting the past 2 years. He denied needing to go to therapy. He said all he needed to do was go to the doctor and get his chronic abdominal pain figured out and under control and he knew he could stop the pills. At the time I believed him, but not so much now. He's addicted. He's tried quitting on his own and couldn't
There were so many times throughout the years that he'd be so sick that he couldn't get off the couch for days. He'd ache, chill, throw up, and could do nothing be sleep. He told me he just caught something and was sick. I took such good care of him. Tending to him, massaging him when he hurt, etc. Now I know those were times when he was going through withdrawal.
After he came clean about his problem a few months ago he decided he was going to quit them. He last 2, maybe 3 weeks and was back on them again. And it got more and more frequent. I became paranoid every time he got a text, sent a text, was on the phone, went somewhere. It was miserable because all I wanted to do was trust him and believe him but the trust was gone.
He left me at the end of May and is with some else. I'm positive they were talking while we were still together. And I haven't heard from him since. 5 years with him, we told each other we were the loves of our lives, and now he's gone. Just like that.
I've been having a very difficult time with sadness and depression. But then I remind myself of the emotional roller coaster our relationship was. How miserable he could be when he coming off these pills. The lies. The betrayal. How I could never trust him again. I still love him so much, but I just can't go through all that a again. I feel like our entire relationship was one big lie.
So I can understand completely how you are feeling and I'm so sorry. It's a terrible pain. (hugs).