Hey Gigi, so glad you found us at SR. Welcome.
Many folks use SR for support instead of AA so hop into the October Class (All you have to do to join is post in the thread and introduce yourself.)
In the women's only forum there are threads from women in your position. We support them to the hilt and yes the guilt is hard to deal with. I am so so so absolutely glad that you came here and posted.
Let us know how you get on.