Welcome! You pretty much told my story. We're also about the same age. At the end it all came crashing down for me and I was relieved it was out in the open because I hid it for so long. I "dabbled" in recovery for 2 years before I finally bit the bullet, chose a program (I do AA), and went hard at it. My life is so much better. I am so blessed to have recovered from the hopeless state I was living in. I wish you all the best on your journey. Sobriety is amazing. You deserve it! XOXOXO