I think that's a starting point for many of us too. I spent decades not really invested in whether I lived or died.
The addiction/Our addicted Self really pushes that - it makes it easier for us to make quite illogical insane self destructive decisions over and over again..
You have many many reasons to live and the chance to do great things with your life. We all do...
but you need to stop poisoning your body and your mind first.
D