Had meeting with counselor tonight. He thinks all the guilt is a result of abandonment (through exbf getting sober without me) and loss issues. I have decided (and my mood changes everyday) that at the minute I can't go no contact. I managed mostly for 8 months but everything in life feels too big at the minute and it makes me feel better hearing his voice. He has told me that he will always be there if I need him but he can't focus on anything but himself at the minute be able to contact me first. I get that. He needs to get better but the thought of losing my dad in the next few months and being on my own is unimaginable. At least I think that even if we talk on the phone a couple of times a week when organizing the kids, the whole situation will come to a natural conclusion rather than battling against raging emotions all the time. The therapist has asked what I think I will get out of this... I don't know. I just want to feel sane for a few days.
Same old record.... On repeat! Maybe I will get bored of myself... The sooner the better! Hope everyone is enjoying their evening x