Doubts
Hi ,
I'm new here. I read a lot of topic on this forum and sometimes it helped me a lot, today I have a question to ask.. so I jump. Also english is not my first language, I'm sorry for any verb problem or grammar.
What are the tricks you found in your recovery to stop doubting yourself when your alcoholic say lies or have a different story about what happened?
Here is the story..
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic father who's trying to stay sober. Recently he relapsed for 4-5 month and went to counselling this week end.
He called me yesterday to say he was back and was asking if I was still angry with him.
I was angry not because he relapse but because he lied to us (sisters and brothers) and he was very mean to me while intoxicated. I work with my counsellor to apply a zero tolerance policy on talking to him while intoxicated to protect myself. Not answering the phone or cutting short when he don't speak clearly is part of that and he knows it.
So I told him yes but less since he went to the center to take care of himself, that anyway now was not the time to talk about that (I was at work) and I was happy that he went to take care of himself.
Then he told me: "I have to tell you that you have your own wrongdoing in that story (of me being angry)" !?!?!? I was like.. (in my head) WHAT??
And before hanging up he told me that the other time I thought he was drunk he was not and I was wrong.
I told the story to non-alcoholics people around me who knows him and the situation and they all tell me that I'm not at fault..
I'm the quiet one in the family, all I want for us is trying to keep a "good" relationship with him given the circonstances. Even if my entourage told me that.. I don't believe them?!?!? I doubt myself and still give him credit.
I'm tired of being the one punished when is going in denial, I know it's not my fault but somewhere I still don't know.
Any help or similar story would be helpful.
Thanks