Day 1, over and over
Ok - my gig. Drinking only, but at a pace that is killing me. For the last couple of years, I've had no trouble finishing 1/2 to all of a 750 ml grey goose. It's my only escape from what is an extremely stressful job. I'm divorced, live alone, and am dating someone for the last 2 months who is really trying to help. I've missed the last 4 days of work, but have become an expert at talking my way out of it (family emergencies, kids sick, etc.). I think I now have a bleeding ulcer, based upon throwing up this weekend a couple of times and the pain I have. Naturally I smoke, too, which makes everything worse.
As soon as she left today, I ran some errands, doing the right thing, and could not resist the pull of the packy across the street. I've only had a little bit, but she'll be back in an hour or so and I'll have to hide it. I want out of this, but seem to have crossed the line into REAL physical dependence. I hate it, it's ruining my life, and I can't control it. I've tried so many times to quit, did AA, all of it. I keep falling on my face. And it's getting harder to get up every time. I have 2 boys - 7 and 6 - who make it mandatory that I do not stop trying. But this is getting harder and harder.