Awesome and truly inspiring words. Yes, beyond the drinking there are so many other terrible behaviors. He has been separated from his wife and child for nearly 3 years and just finances their expenses (she is just starting to work). I knew that getting involved with a separated man was not a smart thing, but I was naïve and assumed the divorce was around the corner (dumb girl 101!)
His life is comfortable only because of me. He finances them so he doesn't have to deal with it (something I find inner resentment with because he does not see his son, another thing I blame on his addiction but then say to myself, why does he seem to have so much time to spend with me??) and then cuddles up to me, someone who is close to the brink of not dealing with it any longer. Even if he didn't have the addiction, this would be grounds to walk away. This I know, and I am moving in that direction, albeit slowly.
Cheating on me hurt very much and somehow I became manipulated into thinking it was his disease that caused it or because he was so insecure he did it, which is what he told me...or the classic "I cheated because I thought you were cheating". The first time I found out, I was traveling out of state to a wedding with my sister. Days leading up to it he was terrified I would cheat while I was out there, despite the fact that I have no history of cheating nor ever had a temptation. Coming home to him passed out with a bottle and an explicit text message from her was like a knife to the tummy.
I have to keep reminding myself that while Alcoholism is a disease, these are still accountable adults capable of making choices to get better. I often times find myself putting all his actions on "disease" which makes it much easier to forgive. But as my sister likes to say, if you found out he was a child abuser because he was abused as a boy, would you stay with him? There are a myriad of reasons why people do what they do, but at the end of the day, these are actions they choose to carry out.
I'm getting close....